Babysitting
by The Sarcastic Polar Bear
Summary: Cuddy asks House to babysit Rachel. He calls Wilson, and the two realize the hard way that babysitting isn't some picnic.


**So, House and Wilson are supposed to babysit Rachel soon on the show. What could go wrong? I own nothing.**

Babysitting. House babysitting. The two words did not mix together, and he had always hoped that they would never be in the same sentence.

But Cuddy asked him to babysit Rachel, and he accepted, knowing that if they had a relationship, he would have to consider her kid.

He sat on Cuddy's sofa and looked at the nearly three year old girl standing next to the arm of the couch.

"Hi," he greeted, waving. Rachel's blue eyes stared at him. Her stuffed bunny dangled from her right hand.

"Bunny," she said, holding it up. House smirked. Rachel took a step closer and climbed onto the sofa. She held the bunny out to him. He stared at it like it was an alien.

"Nice," he said. Rachel rose her small eyebrows. She dropped the bunny into his lap and giggled. House rolled his eyes.

"Bunny!" Rachel said.

"Yeah, it's a bunny."

"I know!" Rachel insisted. She took it out of his hands and climbed off of the sofa. She trotted down the hall and came back, bunny-less. She held a small box.

"What's in there?" House demanded, trying to sound friendly. Rachel pried open the box to reveal dress up clothes. House frowned.

"Dress up!" Rachel yelled happily.

"How about I call your Uncle Jimmy? He _loves _dress up," House said quickly, already pulling out his cell phone. He found Wilson's number, and pressed call. "Wilson, get your ass down here before Cuddy's kid turns me into a gay prostitute!"

"_House, what the hell?"_

"The kid has a bunch of miniskirts and slutty tops. Get down here. Now!"

"_House-"_

House slammed the phone shut. "Jimmy will be here soon. Make him look gay, not me."

"Gay?" Rachel asked innocently.

"Don't tell your mom I said that. You didn't see or hear anything, okay?"

Rachel stared at him, her toddler face dull. She shrugged her tiny shoulders and whipped out a purple hat. House gulped as Rachel climbed on the sofa and plopped it onto his head.

"Pretty," she giggled, clapping her hands.

House pulled the sparkly hat off of his head, but Rachel shrieked and returned it to it's position on to of his head. He was forced to have a pink bow stuck to his shirt before Wilson arrived.

House pointed at the oncologist. "Attack!" Rachel stared at him. "Put clothes on him, kid." Rachel giggled and ran to Wilson.

Wilson picked her up."Hi, Rachel."

Rachel kicked to get down. "Down down down down!" she yelled. Wilson set the wriggling toddler down.

"Okay, House, what did you do to Cuddy's daughter?" he demanded. He ignored Rachel as she wrapped a yellow ribbon around his leg.

"She made me wear this thing!" House whined, taking off the hat. "And this," he added, peeling off the bow. Rachel ran to him and took the bow from him. She stuck it to Wilson's shoe and beamed proudly.

Wilson sat next to House on the sofa. Rachel dumped out the rest of her dress up set. She grabbed a pink tiara and threw it at Wilson. It hit him in the nose. House snickered rudely.

"Good one, kid," he said. Wilson glared at him while Rachel lifted the plastic crown to his head. She then grabbed a pink feather boa, which she wrapped around House's neck. Wilson made a face at him.

"Now who's laughing?" he taunted.

"Me," House cracked, pointing at the yellow dress that Rachel was attempting to pull over Wilson's head. Wilson's eyes peered from the tiny head hole.

Rachel laughed loudly and ran away, dragging the box with her. Before the two men were able to peel off the little girl accessories, she was back, with a makeup kit.

"No way in hell Cuddy would give a kid makeup," House said. "That stuff she wears costs more than a million condoms."

Wilson rolled his eyes. "Rachel, put that away," he said gently.

"No!" Rachel protested. She uncapped a lipstick tube and jumped into Wilson's lap. He tried to take the lip makeup from her, but she shook her head and scribbled at his mouth, and he felt the tube go inside his lips. Satisfied, Rachel skipped to the makeup case and dug out a mascara stick.

House's eyes widened as Rachel climbed into his lap. "No, kiddo," he said, trying to pry the mascara out of her small fist. Rachel stuck her bottom lip out and held her hand higher, then brought it down, painting streaks all over House's face.

"Pretty!" she sang, putting away the makeup case.

House started to wipe it off, while Wilson untied the ribbons. Rachel began to cry loudly.

"No!" she cried. "Pretty!" She let a few tears slip down her cheeks, and let her lip quiver. Both men, even House, felt guilty and stopped in their tracks.

"Okay," House grumbled. "We'll look pretty."

Rachel perked up. "Want dinner," she said, pointing at the fridge.

"You cook," House demanding, nudging Wilson.

"Why do I have to cook?" Wilson whined.

"Because you're gay."

"You got into cooking! And don't say that in front of her. Cuddy will kill you if Rachel picks up any language."

"Fine, you aren't gay. Just cook, okay?" House spat. Wilson sighed and pulled himself to his feet.

He found a bag of frozen chicken nuggets and put them in the oven. Once they were done, he pulled them out. House reached over his shoulder, but Wilson smacked his hand with the spatula.

"Mom!" House whined. "She gets them!" He pointed accusingly at the smiling Rachel.

"Don't be jealous and share, or I'll send you to your room," Wilson threatened, playing along with House's game.

House grumbled and lifted Rachel into her high chair. Wilson fixed her a plate of chicken nuggets. House pounced onto the tray once Wilson's back was turned.

House grabbed two Coca-Colas from the fridge. He threw one at Wilson's back. He snickered as Wilson yelled. Rachel giggled.

"No! Pretty cups!" she wailed. "Use pretty cups."

"We don't want pretty cups," House said flatly.

Rachel beat her fists on her high chair table, chanting, "Pretty cups! Pretty cups!"

Wilson grabbed two pink cups out of the cabinet and chucked one at House, who reluctantly poured his soda into it.

"Pretty plates!" Rachel protested when House started to grab two plain plates. He sighed and reached for the matching pink plates.

Once dinner was over, Wilson scampered out of the apartment, leaving House alone with Rachel.

"Just you and me," House noted, staring at Rachel. She yawned sleepily and lifted her arms up. House lifted her out of the high chair.

He carried her to her room and tucked her into the toddler bed, which looked like it had been bought recently.

Once Rachel's eyes were closed, he yawned and stumbled into Cuddy's bedroom, where he dropped onto the bed tiredly, and was out like a light.

He heard tiny footsteps padding through the hall, and he opened his eyes to see Rachel standing beside the bed, holding her bunny.

"Bad dream," she whispered. House reached down and hauled her onto the bed. She curled up next to him.

Cuddy returned home to walk into the bedroom and see something she had never expected, even in her wildest dreams. It was beautiful.

House was sound asleep, Rachel sleeping on top of him. His fingers were tangled in her soft brown hair, and her tiny legs dangled at his hips. Cuddy smiled.

She barely noticed the dress up clothes piled in the corner, or that a mascara covered tissue lay in the floor, or that her mascara stick was hopelessly mashed.


End file.
